Luckily I’m on the phone with a friend who told me that rather than picking up the phone and dialing his number, I should call him. Like a strange…sponsor of sorts. I’ve had a lot of people on my side tonight, and for that I’m really thankful. It takes a few people to pick up the pieces, but I love them all dearly. But some choice quotes for me to remember when times get tough:
“What hurts the most?”
“Not being wanted, I think.”
“But did you see all these people that were here for your party tonight? Did you see them? They all love you; they all want you. You are so loved. You are so wanted.”
“This is his MO. This is his method of dealing with this. And you have to wonder about this; you really do.”
“If your first reaction is ‘what did I do wrong and how can I fix it’ you can probably take a step back and realize that you didn’t do anything wrong, and only they can fix it. Don’t let it get into guilt; there’s probably nothing for you to feel guilty about. We all get kicked in the face at some point, and the true test is how we deal with that.”
“I really feel like you’re one of the good people, and you’ve been handed a bunch of crap to deal with at an earlier age than you should have been. But I’m really convinced that if you can get through it, you’re going to be okay. Not only are you going to be okay, but you’re going to be a lot better for it. You’re going to be able to use that crap to build your character in a really really good way. You won’t internalize all this and then say to the world ‘yeah well fuck you too.’ If I could make it better for you, I would, but I’m convinced that if you can hold on a bit longer that it’s going to be so much better, you know?”
“2012, we’re going to be having this conversation again and you’re going to be amazed. The other shoe may drop, but you’ll be prepared for it.”
“When it’s this bad, the only place to go is up. It can’t get any worse than what you’re feeling right now.”
“If you can get through the night, you’re okay. If you can wake up in the morning and function, you’re okay. You’re only given one day at a time. Get through tonight, you’re okay.”
“I will keep pushing the Pollyanna bullshit on you until you internalize it. I’ll keep going until you tell me ‘shut the fuck up, I’ve got it.’ Just stay with me for a little bit until you’re strong enough, and then great. In that little tiny tweet, I recognized that place I’ve been. You don’t want to be there, and if you are there, you don’t want to be there alone.”
<3 to that last bit. <3 to all of it. I fucking love these people. I’m so thankful for everyone who sticks around through my whiny, mopey, emo bullshit. So, there, that’s me talking to tumblr for right now :)
